This blog isn’t patriotic enough. It needs to be published with a red white and blue background and a rousing chorus of Rule Britannia ought to start automatically whenever you load the page. Andrea Leadsom said so. Asking questions about the negative consequences of Brexit means that you’re in cahoots with Brussels and are a purveyor of fake news.

Whenever anyone in the British government mentions Brexit, the only appropriate response is to click your ruby red white and blue slippers together and say “There is no place like outside the EU” three times, while waving a union fleg. In fact, really, you ought to have one tattooed on your face so that you can display your patriotism at all times. While you’re at it, you can also get plastic surgery so you can get union jack buttons implanted into the back of your head. All the easier for Tank Commander Ruth to parade in uniform all over your brain.

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